What is the biggest and most mysterious secret that you have not revealed to anyone?

I’ve never told this to anyone, and I never will.

I was 17 back then, and was staying over with my cousins.

I Enjoyed getting oral sex from my cousin, pretending to be asleep

Just when I almost fell asleep, I felt a hand on my breast, and soon realized it was my cousin brother, who was 19 at that time. He was trying to figure out if that’s waking me up or not, but I kept pretending to be asleep. He then proceeded to touch me down there, and I was still a virgin at that time, It felt good and I decided to let him do whatever he wanted. I was off the mentality that I would pretending asleep even if he penetrates me, especially because my best friend had lost her virginity just a week ago, and I was pretty jealous. However, he only did fingering and then oral, he rubbed his dick against me, but I guess he didn’t have the courage to penetrate. I moaned a little during this time, but I pretended to be asleep still.

Next morning, everything was normal, I never talked about it, and believe me or not I never felt traumatized about it unlike all such sexual encounters I read about. I knew that I allowed him, but he didn’t. Menajng in has version he touched me without getting my consent, that bothered me a bit, but I really couldn’t think of what to do about it. Like I want going to talk about it unless he started first, neither did I want to complain against him as I knew what really happened.

We never talked about this before last week, when he suddenly said you know 4–5 years back, I did something I regret, I was very desperate… and..

I stopped him and said I know, I was awake and that’s it ok, but it shouldn’t have been ok….

I just couldn’t maniefiest any real anger.

This is my 100% true raw feeling about it. I enjoyed getting touched by cousin when he touched without getting my consent. ( I did technically have no probs but from his pov he did it without asking )