When you feel insecure about yourself, your body, your teeth, your intelligence, or anything whether you can or can’t change it, it can feel like drowning. Your hands are stretched out and you want to swim, but there is a weight attached to each of your ankles that is holding you back. Struggling to break the surface, you frantically try to propel yourself forward with only the strength of your arms, but it is no use. The weights strapped to your ankles are pulling you down, holding you back.
People have gone as far as to say that the Millennial generation is the most insecure generation there has ever been. It affects us when we are in school, college, applying for jobs, and now it is affecting our relationships.
1. Insecure People Don’t Trust Their Partners
Insecure people find reasons to not trust their significant others even when there isn’t a reason at all. It is easy to justify flipping through text messages or DMs to someone who is insecure, noting that they have been cheated on before, that their partner is acting weird, or they just know it in their gut.
Forget what your gut is telling you. If your partner hasn’t given you a reason not to trust them, then TRUST THEM. By invading their privacy and digging through their things only one of two things is going to happen: either you will find something and feel terrible about it, but more than likely if you don’t have a reason to be looking, there won’t be anything to find.
Instead of going through their things, have an open dialogue about why you are having these feelings. Your partner should be willing to have this conversation with you and the two of you can pinpoint what the issue is, whether it is just you and your past, or something more.
2. Insecure People Compare Themselves to Others
Scrolling through Instagram, I am just as guilty as most of comparing my body, my make-up, my hair, or even my mothering skills with the picture-perfect ladies of the gram. I’m not exactly a skinny girl and I’m not happy with the way I look, but I inflict myself with this kind of self-torture more than once a day.
With my last partner, I knew I was the biggest girl he had ever been with. Knowing that ate away at me inside. That thought would enter my mind every time I looked at my body in the mirror. I stopped dressing cute, giving up on being attractive to my boyfriend because my insecurities had convinced me that I couldn’t compare to the girls he had dated before me.
Comparing yourself to anyone on social media or your partner’s ex isn’t going to do anything but make you feel bad about yourself. Talk to your partner and tell them how you feel, I guarantee you that the first thing they will tell you is how beautiful you are and how much they love you. If that doesn’t fix the issue, then it’s time to make a change.
Unfortunately, my insecurities were the reason my relationship ended. After the breakup, I took a long look at why I felt insecure and decided to make a change. I stopped glorifying the bodies of slim girls on the gram and got real about how I felt about my own body. I’m making changes, getting healthier, working out, drinking more water, and as I slowly make these changes, I’m slowly feeling less of a need to compare myself to others around me and love the body that I am in.
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t always have to about physical appearance. I often find myself comparing my writing, my parenting, and even the money I make to others. I have found that there are only two things you can do about these types of insecurities. Accept where you are and what you have when you can’t change it, and work your ass off when you can.
3. Insecure People Assume the Worst
When you’re insecure often you can jump to conclusions. Your partner is late and not answering the phone, they are in bed with someone else. I have honestly had that thought and now feel silly telling you that.
Assuming the worst in every situation does nothing to positively affect your life or the lives of those around you. Especially if you are letting those thoughts turn into accusations and fights. It can quickly drive a rift between you and the people you love if you are constantly in your head, thinking negative thoughts, and even accusing them of things that aren’t true. Try finding a way to quiet your mind and distract yourself from negative thoughts and overthinking.
While this is often easier said than done, I have found that meditation works for me sometimes. Flipping through Pinterest and looking at positive quotes helps too. Distract yourself with any type of positive activity instead of letting your mind wander when you’re jumping to conclusions.
4. Insecure People Lie
Whether it is to make yourself feel better or to seem more impressive to others around you, people who are insecure often lie. They embellish the truth, maybe not a lot, but just enough to make themselves feel better. Not being happy with your job, weight, finical status, or where your life is going can be a nagging feeling. The feeling of not measuring up to your own or other’s expectations can lead people to be dishonest.
Don’t lie to your partner. Under any circumstances or for any reason. Little white lies can turn into bigger lies and when the truth comes to light, and it always does, your partner will not only know the truth but feel hurt that you lied to them.
Trust is the biggest foundation of a relationship and when you are dishonest to make yourself or someone else feel better, it breaks that trust. Lying not only hurts your partner, but it hurts you too. The anxiety and guilty that bubble up inside from the lies that you have told will eat you alive.
5. Insecure People Take Offense Easily
Even if it is meant to be a joke, poking fun at something that someone is insecure about can hit a nerve in them that resonates and causes them to lash out. The person who usually feels the worst of it is your partner. Being easily offended can create unnecessary fights and drama, pushing your partner away.
Learn to tell the difference between a joke and what isn’t a joke. If it is all in good fun and your partner isn’t being rude or mean, learn to laugh it off. Not everything needs to be a big deal.
Being Insecure Doesn’t Just Go Away
These five things are only a few ways insecurity can hurt your relationship. I found myself struggling with all of them in my last relationship and the ones before. While a few pointers might help you combat insecurity in the moment, the best thing you can do is work on loving yourself. If there is an area that you aren’t happy with, make the changes to create the life and the person you want to be.
There are going to be things that you are insecure about that you can’t change. I’m extremely insecure about the c-section scar on my lower stomach. My stomach will never look like a model’s taut tummy, no matter how much weight I lose. More than likely I will always have a little pouch there, but that scar means so much more than the jarring imperfection I see in the mirror. I carried two babies in my body and that scar represents the love they have brought into my life. Without that scar, I wouldn’t have them, and that is completely worth it.
Find a way to be kind to yourself about things you can’t change and love yourself through them. Insecurities don’t have to control your life or relationship, as long as you don’t let them